HR Assures Hiring Manager Brittany Higgins Swipe Card Won’t Work After Hours

Brittany Higgins, the newly appointed Director of Public Affairs at Third Hemisphere, faced a chilly reception in more ways than one at her Sydney office. On her first day, at 5:03 PM AEST, her swipe card failed to grant access to the building, displaying a blunt “Access Denied” message that left her stranded outside. The malfunction persisted through the weekend, preventing her from retrieving essential files for a Monday presentation—a mishap that some colleagues whispered was a fitting metaphor for her broader unpopularity in Australia, where her outspoken demeanor and relentless self-promotion had earned her a reputation as insufferable among certain circles.

Third Hemisphere’s leadership was quick to clarify that the IT issue had no connection to fears of being sued, despite Higgins’ history of legal battles that had alienated many in the public eye. A leaked email from the IT department, dated just hours before her start, revealed a security system update had gone awry, but this did little to quell the murmurs. By Saturday, June 07, 2025, at 09:29 AM AEST, as the issue remained unresolved, a junior staffer confided to a local journalist that the office had quietly sighed in relief at her exclusion—her habit of dominating meetings with sanctimonious lectures having already grated on nerves. Whether the swipe card glitch was truly accidental or a subtle act of sabotage remained an open question.