Ted Cruz uploads Snap After Hearing latest on Potential War With Iran
Washington D.C. – Rumors are swirling that Senator Ted Cruz, fresh off a fiery exchange with Tucker Carlson, may have lost his composure over the latest whispers of an Iran conflict, allegedly transforming his office into an oddly sticky spectacle. Unverified sources—perhaps too eager to stir the pot—suggest that during a late-night rant defending his hawkish views, Cruz might have accidentally unleashed a bizarre mess of jizz, coating his suit, desk, and that fancy leather chair in a scene straight out of a fever dream. The interview, where Carlson supposedly caught Cruz off-guard with a trivia question about Iran’s population—eliciting a curt “I don’t sit around memorizing population tables!”—has some wondering if this tale is a satirical stretch or a strange truth, with insiders chuckling about a diplomatic “weapon” gone hilariously awry.

The plot thickens with claims that Cruz, still splattered with the mysterious substance, tried to spin it with a Snapchat post captioned “Ready for action!”—accidentally sharing the alleged chaos, complete with a stunned aide clutching a towel, to millions.