“There Are No Epstein Files”- Says Pam Bondi While Waving Her Hand Like A Jedi

In a press conference yesterday, Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi declared, “There are no Epstein files,” while waving her hand in a manner eerily reminiscent of a Jedi mind trick from Star Wars. The statement, delivered with unwavering conviction, left reporters momentarily dazed, some visibly blinking as if snapping out of a trance. Bondi’s office later clarified that her gesture was merely for emphasis, but the lack of transparency surrounding the late financier’s case fueled speculation among attendees, who noted an unusual calm settle over the room as she spoke. No further details were provided, and inquiries about the files were met with repeated assurances that “nothing exists to see here.”